Oh, hello again. Welcome to the show I’m back and badder than the Mad Hatter on blow I’m Wild. Writin’ elementary rhymes that I flow So sit down and take a lesson in the things that I know I Google words that might make me sound smart Like “planetarium” or “Napoleon Boneparte” It’s a start. I write my words with a pen and paper. And I always tip twenty-five percent to my waiter I like Slayer, Kenny Loggins, and Boxcar Racer Shoot whiskey but not without a pickle-back chaser Kelly Anne Conway on the tv, I’d like to erase her Or send her to Antarctica, on top of a glacier Which is gonna melt soon, not because of nature But because of our narcissistic leaders’ behavior Fuck it. I’m off to Mars, guess I’ll see you guys later Pack a tin of spam, and a remote control alligator I need to breathe and get out of this bubble Take a peek into your life while I hang with the Hubble As I drift into space, eatin’ bologna, I’ll get fatter And when the holiday arrives, I’ll be a really bad wrapper CHORUS Bad wrapper, a bad bad wrapper A bad wrapper, I’m a really bad wrapper Some paper and tape, man, it really doesn’t matter At the end of the day, I’m just a really bad wrapper X2 Oh, I’m back again, just lost track of the time Been busy lookin’ up some words that can rhyme It’s silly, I know, take me back to Mrs. Trunchbull Throw me in the chokie and then send me to the hospital Ope. EEEKK! I found your penis Ms. Garrison It was runnin through the hallway tryna get into my house again Forgot the lock and key, guess the door was open And it looked me in the eye, just like I was hopin’ Corona got your tongue, dude, I’m not jokin’ Breathe it in deep, get your lungs all swollen Naaaaa! It’s infecting your hemoglobin Just stay the hell away from the mighty Hulk Hogan The government jerks you, and they don’t use lotion Or have the common courtesy to use proper motion They won’t get you off, but they’ll pollute the ocean It’s why I’m solitary, don’t you question my devotion

She's a seven pound black domestic short hair Eats plants she’s the queen of the lime green arm chair Drinks a buncha water, jumps up on your face and burps Makes an itty bitty kitty sound, drinks and slurps Crawlin’ on the ground like Balor comin to the ring Walking lighter than air silence is everything Sleepin' all day, creepin' all night Killin bugs with her fluffy butt by candlelight She is the boss, makes orders with her eyes "Hey dad if you don't feed me, imma eat you alive" Can't find your lighter or hair tie? I know what happened She put 'em under the couch, completely abandoned From eating ice cream in a bowl to licking a feather Lock herself outside in the freezing cold weather She is fierce loyal, a family house pet Don't piss her off or you gonna get wrecked Hook Ohhh give her some ham and cheese Dive into the laundry just to go to sleep Ohhhh ohhhh ohhhh K-K-K Kali the Cat Ohhh give her some catnip, please Crawl into my arms just to get a squeeze Ohhhh ohhhh ohhh  K-K-K Kali the Cat I ain’t no premadonna just a diabolical kitten Digesting my favorite canned food, chicken Diggin my claws in the carpet, stretchin out my legs Tommy’s in the kitchen, makin' bacon and eggs I'll shit on your feelings like I shit in the litter Unlike a dog, bitch, I don't need a babysitter I do what I want, and follow no one These ain’t no war in this house, cause I already won

This is a story, all you people gather round One filled with mystery, suspense, and laughter abound We will follow a man, well, half tiger and half man Tony is his name and he reps a cereal brand Just another average day as he walks to the office The sun is shining while he sports a blazer from his closet. He hears a weird noise, getting louder by the minute Coming from a garbage can, he wonders what could be in it As the striped tiger man, begins to lift the lid He is flabbergasted, thinks he might be late to work again But before his eyes, was a spongy purple blob With a little tiny mouth that said “PLEASE HELP ME ALONG” Tony scoops up the blob, with his tiger like paws And he puts it in a Macys bag he got from the mall He looks around nervously while he tries to make a plan But before he knew it he was being approached by a man Tony turns away and swiftly walks down the sidewalk While the blob was getting louder as it mumbles and talks He darts down an alley, to get away from the public Then the blob lets out a scream as it goes into a panic “I FELL OUT OF MY SPACESHIP” the blob says as he cries “MY MOM AND DAD JUST LEFT ME HERE, I THOUGHT I WOULD DIE YOUR PLANET SENT SOME MEN TO FIND ME AND CUT ME UP PLEASE HELP ME ORANGE TIGER MAN, YOU’RE ALL THAT I GOT!” Tony pours himself some cereal, and laps up some milk He flexes all his muscles and says “I’m here to help” He grabs the tiny blob and points his finger to the sky “We’re gonna find your family, please don’t worry little guy!” The tiger-like man, starts running to catch a cab Hopped in the back seat, with a driver name Ran “Where to fellas?” said the driver to the tiger man “Head north to the boarder, let’s go to Saint Catherines” The driver took off, just as quickly as he came And didn’t ask questions about the tiger-like man Tony looked into the bag and saw the blob was grinning The two are now a team and this is a game they were winning They need to head north, to locate the spaceship The blob gave them an address, he knew they could make it Put the pedal to the metal, just an hour away As Tony clutches the bag, he’s got the save the day! That’s when time froze, something wasn’t right Right behind the cab they saw some red and blue lights Tony holds his breath, as Ran pulled to the side “I’m sorry, but I think this is the end of the ride” The cop approached the window and removed his sunglasses He looked into the back and saw the bag from Macys “What do you got in that bag?” said the officer to Tony “Just some T-shits, some jerky, and a thing of bologna” The cop smiled and said “I know you from somewhere Like on TV or a commercial, I’m not sure” Tony looked him in the eye and asks “Do you like the flakes?” Without missing a beat the cop says “They’re great!” Well, happy day. It doesn’t look like trouble The cop sped away, and they took off on the double They’re just outside of their destination, it’s clear When Tony saw the spaceship put out, it’s landing gear Success, they made it, the little blob can go home He carried him to his family, from a place unknown The little blob screeched, and cried with glee As the family of blobs left the ship to see Tony the tiger a hero in every element He saved the blob from the United States government His name will live on, as an orange tiger man And maybe one day he will rescue you, as fast as he can

Silence is loud, trust me I know That’s when you hear it screaming at you, all the bellowing voices from down below They say you’re not good enough And that life is a drag It sucks out your energy, your confidence, And it doesn’t go away. You used to be social, now you stay home all the time You’ve lost all your friends, and you’re scared to reach out Like you’ve committed a victimless crime But the victim is you. And that voice that you hear, you know that it lies But it tries, and tries, and tries, over and over again Lies Lies Lies So much and so frequent, that you finally believe it. Like it’s telling you a secret What’s it saying, as you sit there all alone I’m fat, I’m not attractive, I don’t have any talents Fuck it, my life has lost control of its balance I’ve reached the edge of the world, I’m gonna give up this challenge Help me, is anyone there? No, because I’m not asking anyone for help. I’m just thinking about it But I’m dying inside, trying not to submit Guess I’ll go back to work tomorrow, suck another dick Or two or three All I do is exist Help me. Some days are good, others are dreadful I’m probably gonna smile and say hi to you, which is still pretty stressful They gave me an 800 number to help with this disease But I’m not gonna call it, they’ll probably just call the police I wanna say you’re not alone in you’re thoughts I see you. You are loved, you are beautiful You have talents, you feel love You give love. That voice may not go away, and when it comes back Just remember This world is a better place because you’re here. This world is a better place because you’re here. This world is a better place because you’re here.

Hula Hoop, Hula Hoop, Hula Hula Hula Hoop x4 This is an ode to the one who’ll break the record Hoopin’ for Days, Hoopin’ for Days A little song for the one who can hula hoop backwards Hoopin’ for Days, Hoopin’ for Days They’re better at the hula hoop than bein a rapper Hoopin’ for Days, Hoopin for Days That’s why I’m here to tell ya that hula hoops matter Hoopin’ for Days, Hoopin’ for Days Arrow Grey, in 2009 Broke the Guinness World Record for hoopin’ time Seventy-four hours and fifty-four minutes Put the hoop around their waist, they know how to spin it Step up, Step down, move back and fourth Put your hands in your pits and flap your arms Gotta stay focused, minds in a haze Gonna break it again, this time, seven days They’ve got confidence, promoting whirld peace Be good to those around you, make ‘em feel at ease To quit is not an option, gotta do it once a week Build up the hooping tolerance, build up their physique Huge Euge is here to endorse Arrow Grey Support the positivity, that’s what I’ll say Hoopin’ all day, hoopin’ all night Arrow will smash it, outta sight This is an ode to the one who’ll break the record Hoopin’ for Days, Hoopin’ for Days A little song for the one who can hula hoop backwards Hoopin’ for Days, Hoopin’ for Days They’re better at the hula hoop than bein a rapper Hoopin’ for Days, Hoopin for Days That’s why I’m here to tell ya that hula hoops matter Hoopin’ for Days, Hoopin’ for Days Clear your mind, feel alive Let’s put your waist into overdrive Make it spin, like a fidget between your fingers Round and round it goes, it never lingers Sweatin hard, full body workout Make the hoop spin, is what it’s about Keep going and going and going and going Not showing any signs that you’ll be slowing Set your goals, practice every day Put in the time, don’t waste away Hula hoop record, shattered by Arrow A super nice and indulging fellow Wishing you luck as I bid you adieu There’s only one thing that I’ll ask of you Hoop real hard, and hoop real long Keep on hoopin’ til the end of this song This is an ode to the one who’ll break the record Hoopin’ for Days, Hoopin’ for Days A little song for the one who can hula hoop backwards Hoopin’ for Days, Hoopin’ for Days They’re better at the hula hoop than bein a rapper Hoopin’ for Days, Hoopin for Days That’s why I’m here to tell ya that hula hoops matter Hoopin’ for Days, Hoopin’ for Days